latent techno-sexual...

i am a huge dork. i know, can't be true...but it is. i've always been a natural at pop culture nonsense; including, but not limited to, song lyrics, movies, latest trends, random celebrity trivia. but the whole technology thing has always been about 2 feet flying right over my head.

i could never wrap my brain around what seemed basically simple. which i think is my problem. i love to make things bigger & more confusing than they are; until i shrug & forget about it all together. this is computer, phone type stuff rather. plus, i figure i don't have to mess with it too much...i always have the hubs to do it/show me how. 

i think i was signed up to blogger like a year before this blog actually came to life. twitter, about the same amount of time. & so on & so on.

i had come to the realization that i was super un-savvy in this interweb universe. if i have email & facebook, then i'm good. wrong. i needed a boost to my smartness ego. there's intelligence somewhere in there. hey, if this brain can come back with a smartass comment with mach speed, then i can figure out this shiz. i just needed to TRY...play around with different things until it clicked. (jeez, how simple is that thought process?) besides, the hubs feels the need to update my phone every 6 months...for me, it's like learning to walk again. in my cave woman-esque way, i'd hit it a couple of times with a stick until it displayed something seemingly interesting. not really, but you see where i've had no choice here but to get with the rest of the herd on this 21st century thing. (& you do realize that i totally just googled "what century are we in?")

& so now, i'm just sowing my mad techno oats all over this scene. i really love it...now that i know i can do it by myself. (isn't that silly?) still gonna ask questions though; i will definitely need to from time to time. (be ready, friends) *there is one of those 'for dummies' books out there with my name on it...i just know it! (you can make my royalty checks out to ash or cash!)

oh my goodness, i've come a long way from my 1st "tweet, tweet" on feb 15th, when my friend, the always great, ash l., helped me set up my new twitter account & blogspot with a smile & "go for it" attitude...HA! thanks, girl. (http://lindler5.blogspot.com/)

i still don't fully get photoshop (it's not my bff), but i dig picnik.com. super easy for chicks like me. i listen to music on spotify...snap cell photos more often with the coolness of instagram, & my latest infatuation (via funny man, mark p. http://whatwhitechickscherish.blogspot.com/, another keeper in my social stratosphere) is my 2 day old relationship with Pinterest. (which i had gottten wait listed for a login in the beginning...you know how you don't even want something until you can't have it?)

so yea, i'm a dork...believe me now, huh?! but, it works for me. i mean, when i'm in the carpool line, breaks at work, or can't sleep at night...i'm gonna need something to do. (besides play angry birds & words with friends)

a little late to the party, but out & ready to mingle...*lol...#...emoticon* just kidding. & maybe one day i'll even be interesting enough to be on foursquare? nah...you can just follow me on twitter @miscellaneash.

sugar is sugar...

the perfect party preparations would be best described by most etiquette magazines &/or list making books as follows: (generally speaking)

1. 6-8 weeks before...book venue
2. 4-6 weeks before...make guest list, decide on theme, food, etc.
3. 2-4 weeks before...select invitations, address, & mail
4. 1 week before...shop for all supplies, equipment, party favors


well, i have a little prep list of my own. it starts out similar with the best of intentions then gets slightly altered from the above. far from perfect, but effective. the ash way, if you will…or, fly the seat of one’s pants & get hysterical at the last minute!

the first thing...venue, or location. marked off the list & booked several weeks in advance...check. this was actually a no brainer. in the past, we've done the "have i lost my damn mind?" birthday parties at places that are famously just a room full o' bouncys. (which actually wasn't that bad as we opted for the rent your own space package.) but this year, we wanted something different. the local park was ideal with a shelter/picnic table area & covered nice sized playground.

the second thing we did (monkey & myself) was decide on the friends to invite. i had most all of the addresses, 1 or 2 shy, already. fantastic! i suggested (since he likes to draw) that we might want to make our own invitations. & he was all over it. each friend was going to get a one of a kind 'sonic the hedgehog' picture. he was serious too. & poof, the theme was 'SONIC!' (there was never any doubt...it's all he talks about.) so a week & 2 days before party day, the invites were mailed.

the hubs, being the smarty that he is, had the right mind to order a few supplies online in advance; no sonic themed things around town. so hats, plates, & a table cloth came a week prior.

all we needed at this point was the rest of the supplies, snacks, cupcake ingredients, & we would be ready. wow, we were doing great…for us, anyways.


here's where my oober party planning comes in...because i'm so organized & what not…

3 pm friday (day before)...pick up monkey from school, run over to local party supply shop. get party favors for 11? 12? hell, who knows for sure (left list of kiddies coming at home) 15...yea, that sounds safe! additional plain blue plates/napkins. candles, cupcake holders & a few boxes to transport them in. (how i managed to even think of how i would make cupcakes mobile was a miracle in itself…that’s a last minute ash freakout sort of thing)

3:43...jump in car, head over to super store of walliness. we need ingredients, cotton candy floss, snacks, drinks.

5:02...finally get home (no cotton candy floss) only to get ready for monkey's school fall festival at 6.


now, as you may have noticed, i have mentioned cotton candy twice. why did we need it, you ask?! *monkey got a cotton candy machine last year for christmas, & i think we've used it once...with regular white sugar. & i had the cool idea to top chocolate frosted cupcakes with said cotton candy. blue. there is only one place that has the floss, that i could find. cromer's peanuts located downtown. which is cool, get it super quick on saturday morning.

10 am saturday (day of)…let the baking begin. both muffin pans are located & 24 bake at a time. hubs is out in search of blue cotton candy floss & ice for the cooler. oh, & ring pops! i forgot that i had not been able to locate those the day before…they were crucial to the party favor bags, as they resemble “chaos emeralds” from ‘sonic.’

11:43…all 48 cupcakes are done & cooling on the rack. time to make lunch. hubs called to say there was no blue. okay. purple is close enough. plus, monkey says grape is his favorite flavor this week!

1:38…what? where did the time go? my hair is in rollers. i am not dressed. my child is not dressed. oh crap, the favor bags…i have to put those together! the cupcakes aren’t iced! panic attack! i start icing…”hubs, i need youuuu!” & he swoops in for icing detail. i grab monkey’s clothes. i put together favor bags with one roller half way intact…it was being difficult. slap on some war paint…squeeze in to clothes. ahh, breathe.

2:14 (46 minutes until party at 3)…the cotton candy is buzzing, swirling, & sugar is flying everywhere. but we have a 2 man thing going & these cupcakes are looking incredible! these perfect fluffs of sweetness look so pretty & everything is coming together. (i knew all along…)
i mean, i cannot get over how awesome they are. as i gingerly place them in the boxes, i give myself a little ‘atta girl!’

2:42…loading up the cars. grabbing the camera. placing cupcake boxes neatly in the back seat of the one car (don't want them to get messed up!) while the hubs puts stuff in the other. we are off to monkey’s birthday party!

3:00…party time! the shelter is perfectly next to the playground. i am all smiles. my baby boy is excited. nothing could go wrong…not one eensy thing. how does everything always come together? & this by far has been the most perfect prep for a party ever! (okay, there was a hiccup here & there, but…)


so, you know how  there’s always a lot of air in cotton candy bags? & once you open it, it goes kinda flat? & remember how stoked i was on our awesome creations for all to see?

*is that the most "perfect" cupcake you've ever seen? omg, i had to laugh. i just had to. as i apologize to every person & explain to them how beautiful they were. the once lovely, fluffy puff of light purple was now a sugar encrusted layer of goodness. oh well, they were eaten. they tasted good at least. sugar is sugar, right? & we had the best time with our family & friends.

monkey is still talking about his best birthday party ever! & that is all that matters.

ps...why, oh why did i NOT do my normal dorky thing & take a before picture? damn you, cotton candy! hahaha...                                              

fallishness...

november already? poof…october is gone once again…sigh. my favorite time of the year always seems to take forever to get here & is the quickest to go away. i’m sure that the whole something planned almost every day thing doesn’t help too much; we really do indulge ourselves in this delicious month!

a few things that kept us occupied, was looked forward to, & ate up (because you're dying to know, right?):

·        fair…smells, gigantic pizza slices, lights, mass amounts of smiling faces, screams from the roller coasters, fried mushrooms, farm animals, make your own ½ yard slushies.

·        eats…chili, hot chocolates, warm breads, bottomless bag o candy.

·        wears…pulling out the sweaters, boots, tights, leggings, scarves, hats.

·        soccer…learning something new, coaching hubs, fold out chairs, shin guards, cheering to hoarseness, snapping pictures left & right, celebration dances by the kids, post game parent tunnel, good attitudes whether it’s a win or a loss.

·        pumpkins…picking, carving, drawing, painting, lighting, eating. *starbucks pumpkin latte, you make me swoon!

·        ah ha moments…anniversaries, birthdays coming up, outgrown jeans/long sleeve tees/shoes (the monkey won’t stop growing!)

·        mountains…trees that are every color possible, hills/valleys, american indian appreciation, moccasin/knife/rock shops, small towns kept up in their original charm, hot tubbing in the freezing cold, winding roads, “no signal!”

·        halloween…decorations, stories, scary movies/themed shows on every single channel (whether it’s 8 at night or 8 in the morning), costume brainstorming, costume making/preparations, trick or treating, great friends, monkey’s excited little face.

just sayin'...

·         places i would love to see a Picasso…a museum…a mansion, but never in a plastic surgeon’s waiting room.

·         why does it seem that the most stubborn, hard to please people agree to do home/fashion makeover shows?

·         getting gas is like the worst chore ever.

·         my cat needs prozac & the dog barks at whatever; people, squirrels, air.

·         for a family of only 3 (1 of whom is only 6), we have more dirty dishes, laundry, & trash than we should…it blows my mind!

·         i think scary movies are much creepier in the afternoon…seriously.

·         why do i open the fridge & check the cabinets knowing that there’s no new snacks in there since the last time i checked?

·         if you’re gonna go on a show like ‘steve wilkos’ & take a lie detector test, chances are, things aren’t going to turn out like you’d hoped.

·         i could have sworn that wrinkle wasn't there yesterday! (apparently i frown a lot? bah.)

·         i have turned the whole “one step forward, two steps back” concept into a dance…shall we cha cha?

·         pretty sure i have reverse anorexia (as my sis would say) i actually think i look good until the pictures come back.

·         i love halloween.

·         i wish i had a sheet of bubble wrap to keep in my purse for stress relief emergencies.

·         chewing gum & walking at the same time really does trip me up. plus, i bite the crap out of my lip…every time.

·         really want a super awesome catch phrase like “shazam!” or “dy-no-mite” or “oh aye, aye oh”…i’m still working on it.

·         i will accept the fact that the dryer is NOT shrinking my clothes, but for the love of jeebus, the hubs should know the whole NO RED ANYTHING in a load of whites rule by now!

·         planning for an out of town adventure shouldn’t have my anxiety levels off the charts.

·         ever go into work thinking you look good; good hair, make-up…only to have someone ask if you’re feeling well? (to which i wanna say, “suck it!”)

·          i think sassy is an art form. it’s all in the delivery…if you screw that up, you’re just a mega bitch…just sayin’!

tradition is...

the perfect fall day came this past weekend & at just the right moment. this, of course, could mean only one thing...pumpkin patch time!

now, the hubs & i never had "family" tradition things growing up. i mean, we got together for major holidays; my family would drive to the affluent neighborhood to look at christmas lights, but that's about it. when monkey was born though, we decided to embark on special memory maker type activities. enter harmon's farm...located out in lexington, sc, this "farm" is complete with pumpkins for halloween & christmas trees for, well, christmas. we look so forward to these trips. always guaranteed fun, fun, fun.

there are some animals, although the goat population seemed much smaller this year. there's old tractors & farm equipment. funny/cutesy signs everywhere. & even a playground!

we have to take part in each & every thing they have to offer...naturally.

7 years so far...it's just something we do & plan on doing from here on. 

how tall this fall? over 4 feet! wowzers!

an af-fair to remember...

the hubs & i celebrated our 12 year anniversary this weekend. he still likes me, i still like him...we got a good thing going! 
a sweet exchange of cards & sentiments (i got new earrings!) followed by fine dining on saturday night. this place was amazing...*solstice kitchen & wine bar in columbia, sc, if you're in the neighborhood* oh my gracious, i'm still daydreaming about the krispy kreme bread pudding dessert...nom nom nom.

but the celebration doesn't stop there. because at the end of the day, the beautiful wedding that we planned back then as two is nothing compared to the wonderful marriage & family of three that we've become. & when we put our noggins together to achieve maximum sunday fun, it is always a family affair.

let the games begin...

   the ginormous slice of cheese pizza is a momma/monkey staple!

have to see all the animals...of course! we love those guys...

get 'em guys, get 'em...ahh, better luck next time!

because what's more american than corn dogs that are 80 feet long? ok, so maybe not that many feet...ha!

see you next year, state fair...we had a blast! thanks for helping us celebrate & for being yet another reason why we enjoy fall oh so much!

long time coming...

some know, but most of you don’t know that i am the “baby” of three siblings. an older sister & an older brother, who is predeceased. i have been meaning to write about him for a while now, but it’s always very hard to process everything that i would want to say. you will still not know him by the end of this, but maybe you will get an idea of my love for him. fingers crossed.

what prompted this, you ask. maybe it’s the constant reminders i get through headlines of hate crimes, anti-gay whatever, or a country that continues to deny human equality. maybe it’s because i just made it through another september…where it starts out weirdly sad, my balance is off (more than usual), or i have that feeling where i’ve forgotten something; did i turn the stove off, leave the back door open, leave the curlers plugged in? nope, september is always my empty feeling month, then i remember why. 13 years ago this particular month, my brother, charles left this world. he left. & i didn’t see him in the hospital…in his eleventh hour. i could not. i’m glad that i could not. it is the best decision that i’ve ever made. i knew i would only remember a sick man lying in a hospital bed, clinging for his life, losing his battle. (i would remember, later on, feeling the sigh of relief when i turned 28...even though, i know that sounds strange.) 

no, i chose to remember the vital, quirky, “best of the best, please,” older brother. a black sheep…pretty outspoken…one of the good guys.

charles was my mother’s son from another marriage. her first. young & willing to leave her small town only to end up in another; where then, new husband decided to change his marital status. a teenage girl, in a strange town was now a new mother & divorcee. sounds like a freaking lifetime movie, huh? and the solution to her woe…”kind” new in-laws who would help rear the grandchild until mom got on her feet. thing is, when she did, that plan was out the window. single mother without a child…just single.

he tried though, when he was old enough, to make contact with my mother. & he came to live with us as a late teenager…17?  (i was around 9, i guess) it didn’t last very long. & when he called her to tell her he was gay? she simply said “i know.” mothers know these things, maybe. or they just love, nonetheless. (that’s what i’m sticking with anyways...the almighty unconditional.)

the last time i saw him, he was living in charleston with a couple of roomies. no love interest. i think about that now & feel extremely sad. not sure why; guess because i would never have wanted him to feel alone, ya know?! the year 1998…he had a couple of strange sores on his arms. i didn’t think anything of it. i definitely didn’t think “lesions.” he had invited me down to visit him. we exchanged numbers. i would never make the trip. i was discouraged a bit, but i’m not gonna bust anyone’s chops over that. i was more than old enough  to drive at that point & had my own car…i could’ve been more decisive of my own whereabouts, etc. but i tried to do what i was told. the neat thing, though (& this has always resonated with me), is that the hubs is my only friend that ever met my big brother.

several months later, i would be engaged. the hubs & i would visit my sister in pennsylvania & celebrate. hubs ate the worm, by way of testosterone pressure…bleck! i do remember that. we would get back from that trip in august, but i would never get to tell my brother the news.

the doctor called my mother & said that charles wouldn’t make it through the night. she drove to charleston the next day anyway. she wouldn’t be there long (like, less than 30 minutes) before he passed. he waited for her in the end. he waited for his mom.

it absolutely sucks to lose anyone you love. but i draw strength from the person that my brother was & the person i envision that he would’ve been. he wasn’t that “gay man who died from AIDS,” to me & shouldn’t be to you. i found a voice through him. i have learned a lot about myself & the person that i want to be & the person that i want to raise my child to be. i don’t stand behind or put myself in front of folks that are different from me…i stand WITH them. i support equality for everyone. no one deserves to walk this earth with a stigma attached or have their epitaph read “i died a shameful death.” AIDS doesn’t pick you out of a crowd, it doesn’t discriminate, you don’t have to be a certain height to ride that ride!

& no matter what former administrations or religious radicals have stated, my brother did not die because of a “lifestyle.” a “lifestyle” is driving an SUV, living out of your means, or keeping up with the “joneses!”

& in the end, he is remembered on a daily…he is loved…& i’m proud to say that i had the opportunity to know him (what little bit), charles, my big brother!