Monday, September 26, 2011

security fail...

recently i had to have proof of my social security card…like, the physical card. wait, i got it. it’s in my wallet. no, i switched wallets. it’s in my other one; the little pink one. now, to figure out which purse i was carrying when i got "new" wallet.

i have a front closet that i put my purses in…whew. but, wait, i have some hanging in the bedroom too…aaand there’s a couple in the spare bedroom.  

let the digging begin. last bag i used, big ole bag, must be in there somewhere…nope, on to the one before that…i remember exactly, the seasons had just changed & i felt like double flaps with a retro inspired strap. crappers…no dice!

*let me just interject really quick…i may look put together (or not) on the outside, but seriously, i’m a disaster. *my name is ash & i am a hot mess! there, i confess. & i can’t ever find anything, especially if i need it. ridiculously unorganized. i admire those who are super simplistic, in that they own just a few necessities. wait, do i know these people? but i digress…

purses, handbags, satchels…one after another & no luck; & i must’ve been through 9 or more. but, i did find some pretty interesting things. you see, when i change bags, i only take out the things i use/need that day…wallet, glasses, burt’s bees, paperback. the rest of the crap is left in there. does anyone else do this? please say “yes…of course, it’s in the lady handbook!”

so amidst the hunt for this important legal document that i am in dire need of, here is a list of the truly awesome stuff that i DID find…true story.

·         7 tampons

·         mints

·         misshapened chocolates…what a waste

·         4 gift cards that need balances (if any) checked

·         “lost” sunglasses

·         passport…yay (i knew it was in there…ha)

·         birthday card…christmas card…card i meant to mail (whoops)

·         note pad

·         12 or so pens

·         lip smackers (grape)…lip gloss…lipstick holder

·         pirate eye patch

·         stickers/tattoos

·         nursing shield (i guess i went way back!)

·         bonus card

·         5 bazillion receipts

·         pay stubs
·         34 cent stamp
     
      ·         cheerios AND teddy grahams…loose, mind you
      ·         empty baby wipe container
      ·         expired coupons
      ·         rabies tag/certificate
      ·         burp cloth
·         half empty packs of gum (one per bag, it seemed)
      
      ·         2007 day planner. never used…any takers?
boo hoo, no social security card. & all that work. i’m not worried, my license/birth certificate/passport filled the void. i’m legit. & i’ll find that stupid card in a week or so when the moment has passed.
*i have to laugh though because of my buddy, mark p, who writes a hilarious blog…whatwhitechickscherish.blogspot.com. i’m sure he would appreciate the “big ass bag” madness. he predicts this sort of thing...hmm, esp?
& also, if you’re wondering, did i find this opportunity to throw out these totally random finds? um, no…i was too involved with the issue at hand! besides, i’ll clean all that stuff later…when i want to use the bag again. just kidding, i at least tossed the cookies (no pun, intended), the candy, & makeup-y, old grossness. papers & such remain. c’est la vie!

retraction...

okay, okay...i have made a silly mistake. last week i wrote, in 'things i don't get' (sept.19), about women who sported tween to young adult styles such as, 'hollister' or 'abercrombie' logo tees in their 40’s. at the time, it struck me oddly; that it just seemed to red flag the age factor...remember?


well, that is until i was out and about earlier today getting some errands done, & i caught a glimpse. there it was…a reflection in the sliding doors of the grocery; a mid 30s gal (me) in jeans, pink & white checkered vans, & a “spitfire” (child’s) tee shirt. quickly followed by this note self: holy crap! i’m a hypocrite!


now, i am not one to retract anything, unless i am truly in the wrong. so, i wanted to take a sec & tweak that previous comment…because let's face it, we’re all guilty of this in some aspect or another. & the more i thought about it, i was like, crap, just the other day i had my hair in freaking pigtails! i mean, there’s no real huge difference, right?! i don’t always want to accept my age & sometimes i even forget how old i am.


i realize i’m not that 16 year old skate betty, who dresses like a girl who would dance around in a sonic youth video; even though i do still like skateboarding & sonic youth! but i do like to look cute & feel comfortable & i do hold on to certain images of myself that perhaps were a bit more justifiable 15 years ago.


what’dya do? i say, go for it! women of all ages…if you roll out of bed in the morning & find comfort in a van halen tee (david lee, of course) & want to pair it with acid wash…do it. if you find that 'bebe' sparkly tops accentuate your hard earned abs...get one in every color! or if you have more colored tights & little dresses than you do pants (like i do) rock that shiz! bottom line, when you leave your house, if you feel confident & pretty & ready to tackle the day, then by all means…who am i (or anyone) to say you shouldn’t!


i have no qualms about making my opinions or observations known, but i don’t want to be that judgmental chick. (we're already too hard on ourselves as it is) it’s not easy for women to find clothes that are both stylish & “age” appropriate. you’re either teeny bopper or golden girl, anymore. & i get it…i struggle with it…i’m right there with you.



ps…i believe that i am somewhat "stylish," but just in case, please don’t call clinton or stacy on me, they would probably throw all my crap in that huge trash can!

pps…enjoy this public point of view retraction…it probably won’t ever happen again!  

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

best loved quotes...

be it a president, a poet, a comedian, or a romantic…i love quotes! i do! there are times when the words from someone (usually dead) speaks volumes to me; like “hey, i feel that exact same way” or “dang, that is my day to a tee.” will i ever be quoted? who’s to say…hopefully for something poignant or funny; i can live with funny. some of these may be new to you or your very favorite. regardless…enjoy! (might just hit the spot)

“and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~anais nin

“be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”  ~dr seuss

“i'll try anything once, twice if i like it, three times to make sure.” mae west

“goodness is the only investment that never fails.”  ~henry david thoreau

“hard times arouse an instinctive desire for authenticity.”  ~coco chanel

“listen to the mustn'ts, child. listen to the don'ts. listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. listen to the never haves, then listen close to me...anything can happen, child. anything can be.”  ~shel silverstein

“if you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.”  ~erma bombeck

“reality leaves a lot to the imagination.”  ~john lennon

“chaos is the score upon which reality is written.”  ~henry miller

“if you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you.”  ~oscar wilde

“women complain about PMS, but i think of it as the only time of the month when i can be myself.”  ~roseanne barr

“great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”  ~albert einstein

“how important it is for us to recognize & celebrate our heroes & she-roes!”  ~maya angelou

“for most of history, Anonymous was a woman.”  ~virginia woolf

“i’m nobody! who are you? are you a nobody, too? then there’s a pair of us-don’t tell! they’d banish us, you know.”  ~emily dickinson

“if you don't like how things are, change it! you're not a tree.”  ~jim rohn

“i love you & because i love you, i would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth, than adore me for telling you lies.”  ~pietro aretino

“forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.”  ~john f kennedy

“i sweat real sweat & i shake real shakes.”  ~elizabeth taylor

“because nobody goes through life without a scar.”  ~carol burnett

“the world is mud-luscious & puddle-wonderful.”  ~e e cummings

“i still live, i still think: i still have to live, for i still have to think.” ~friedrich nietzsche

“i'm not going to limit myself just because people won't accept the fact that i can do something else.”  ~dolly parton

“there is nothing to writing. all you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”  ~ernest hemingway

“intense love does not measure, it just gives.”  ~mother teresa

“we should all start to live before we get too old. fear is stupid. so are regrets.”  ~marilyn monroe

“when you go in for a job interview, i think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.”  ~jack handy

“my goal is to always come from a place of love...but sometimes you just have to break it down for a motherf*cker.”  ~rupaul


Monday, September 19, 2011

things i don't get...

these are random ponderings that make no sense to me…today. (there will be new ones next week. okay tomorrow, probably) & you may agree or disagree with all or most, but that’s the beauty in opinions, right?!

·        higher expectations for people who work their tails off & bosses who look the other way for the slack asses! (& then they usually get praise on top of that.) are we working smarter & not harder…or just kissing some corporate booty? hmmm…

·        women in their 40’s wearing abercrombie &/or hollister. & not just wearing the clothes, but the tees with the name plastered across the front. i realize your body is thin & fit & by the medical marvels of science, you have a nice rack, but your face is still, well, 40ish. (i just think that the humongous logo draws attention to that.)

·        mothers who compete with their daughters.

·        people who have to find a way to quote the bible on a daily basis, & make you aware of it (& they’re not even clergy or priests.) it loses its sincerity or something…i don’t know, it’s weird to me.

·        folks who feel the need to “poor mouth”…i’m not your friend because you’re Rockefeller! i just like you, now can we please talk about something else before i just stop calling?

·        couple facebook accounts! really? barf! i just want to know what happens when you don’t have the same thing on your mind…minds…wait, who’s idea was this? trust issues?

·        why is there still doubt about the freaking president’s birth certificate? can we place some time, money, & energy into some real issues at hand, please? i mean, we only have about 4 trillion of them!

·        crocs! (when they’re not on children or in a garden)

·        how “common law” marriage doesn’t affect the morality of family values (or whatever it’s called), but two people, who truly love each other, of the same sex, does. i really don’t get this one!

·        smokers who drive around with their windows cracked just a smidge because there’s a baby in the back…yea, that’ll help. what?
·        ‘maury’ still being on the air with paternity tests being the only storyline.
·        “possible” side effects with medications that are worse than what the medicine is for.
·        why do the good die young?
·        a lady asking if i was satanic because “you have a snake biting itelf on your wrist.” (not sure how, but i managed to control my filter…whew, that was close.)
·        women who keep the same hair style & makeup for 20 years. change is good…promise!
·        the stress i put myself through watching those amazing cake contest shows with those 5 foot tall creations. i am on edge with anxiety until it is moved safely to that damn table for judging.
·        baby wipes…they get everything out…what exactly was i wiping my monkey’s heiny with?
·        blue tooth & why people think it looks cool. (& also, stop using that crap in the grocery, etc. i think you’re talking to me & then i get the snotty look, like i interrupted your important phone call!)
·        ‘hillbilly handfishing’…& why i have the urge to do it!
·        the ‘genie bra’…i am not convinced that all breasts will lift & separate with this over-the-head, non-wired bra. *someone send me one…i’ll try it out!*

& your new miss shrimp is...

it’s not every day that one gets asked to judge a beauty pageant, so when i received this request from one of my low country folk, i was ecstatic! me? really? i was definitely “in” mentally, but could i physically do it…i mean, i work every other saturday & with the way my luck was with other event invites, chances were it fell on the already scheduled work day. to my delight, i was going to be off, so i agreed to be a judge! wait…i had just agreed to be a judge. omg, i have no idea how to do this & a beauty pageant of all things. oh, what the heck…i’ll try anything once, right?! plus, i love any reason to get out of town…make plans…have something to look forward to. & now, boy, did i?!

i didn’t think much of it until the time started to get closer & closer. i was getting nervous. what do i wear? will the other judges be nice? what in the world am i gonna do with this hair? you know, the normal questions that run through your head…or maybe it was just my usual neurotic self.

the day finally came (last saturday). woke up at normal time (like we would for school & work) hot rollers here…liquid eyeliner there & headed out. there was a 2 hour drive ahead of me, & i was actually on time…yea, that pretty much never happens. i was about to judge my first beauty pageant, the miss shrimp festival in yemassee, sc. yea, buddy.

(the hubs had planned a day of exploring, which he did indeed do, after dropping me off at my location.)

after meeting the two ladies that i would share responsibilities with; a seasoned georgia local beauty pageant & 4 time accredited miss america judge from savannah, ga & the very first miss shrimp festival, 18 years prior, from aiken, sc, we jumped right on it. first on the agenda…most photogenic. this was the easy part. i just really went with my gut. the first photo that really caught my eye of the child &/or young lady. we went with unanimous…done. bring on the frilly dresses, please.

the first couple of hours would be the itty bitties…0-34 months, split up into 3 age groups. (so needless to say, half the competition couldn’t even walk yet) oh my goodness, they were so stinking cute. some were super smiley…blowing kisses & waving, some were not too sure if they wanted to be there, & 1 or 2 (by crowning time) were…well, asleep!
i thought at first that this judging thing would be easy enough. although, it’s kind of hard to look at several little kiddies & determine who is “more beautiful.” i had other criteria (thank goodness) to go by which really came in handy. other than beauty, there were 3 other catergories…poise, personality, & overall; judging scale of 1-10. i never went below 8.3 on any of the 4…& the only reason i went that low was when it got to the older girls & everyone was pretty much neck & neck. i had to do my own math, too. did i mention that? aye yi yi…this girl was breaking out the fingers more than a couple times on that one!

after a lunch break we viewed the 4-10 year old girls…broken up into age groups. this was much harder than the teenies. & this is where more of the “glitz” would come into play. seriously, between the makeup & hair, i was looking to make friends just for the tips on glamour. i mean, here i am, curls fleeting fast from lack of hair spray watching an 8 year old with hair that doesn’t move. very interesting, to say the least. the most refreshing aspect though came after the judging of this group; as i waited outside during yet one more break before the preteens to miss judging. these little girls who i had just seen all gussied up were in regular play clothes (hair & makeup still intact, mind you) chasing each other, laughing, & being, well, children! it was adorable.

6 o’clock rolled around & the end was near. last group…11-13, 14-16, 17-21. the plus to this judging would be two outfits. evening wear, like all the others, with a prelude of casual wear. & to me, because the competition was really getting close, i was glad to have a buffer like the fun/sporty/casual wear. it helped show the personality of the girls, instead of just the stoic transe-like walks & batting of lashes. it was just more natural. but what do i know? i’ve never done this before.

the judging…tougher. much, much tougher. these older gals were fierce! the crowning much more intense. & you could see instantly as the once glued on smiles went to looks of disappointment with this older group. i felt like a jerkface, but i was there to judge. & there were the 3 of us. some of my higher scoring girls didn’t place & a few even surprised me. which just goes to show that it was super close…it had to be. lots of beautiful girls in the south, ya’ll!!

when all was said & done, the hubs (who ventured every island, ruins, & wooded area in a 20 mile radius) & i headed back to our lovely home. what the hey, it’s a 2 hour drive & well worth waking up in your own bed on a sunday morning.

it was a long day, but pretty neat & different for me.  i was entertained, got to see some old faces, meet new ones, & experience a little of the beauty pageant world. & i know that the crowned winners represented their shrimp festival well. & you know what? should they ask me to do it again next year, i totally will. (i'm an experienced judge now!)

p.s. i kept looking for the whole ‘toddlers & tiaras’ tantrum thing, but i never saw it; there were only a couple little ones that cried a little bit or seemed scared (to be expected). then again, i wasn’t behind the scenes…with a video camera…or a nifty edit button. ha!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

"the last of the starmakers"...

our routine around here is fairly simple. i work in the morning/early afternoon allowing me to run home, grab a bite, & head out to pick monkey up from school 4 days a week. & most after-school afternoons go like this: quick errands, snack, chill time (yes, this includes a little television), homework, & dinner. & it works. cartoon network is usually our tv choice, but we are open to disney channel or nickelodeon as well (depends on the mood, ya know?!)

now, my child is an average 6 year old, for sure. wild & crazy; talks a million miles a minute (gets that from me), playful; sometimes a bull in a china shop (again, right here!), but always very sweet. he is also a very sensitive child. not whiney or needy…sensitive. he can’t stand for someone to be hurt or sad. his reaction to certain things is almost beautiful, in that coming from a 6 year old kind of way. most of us, as adults, are so hardened to reality & the world around us, that we almost seem to roll our eyes to every little thing, or i know i am definitely guilty of it at times.

so where am i going with this? oh, yea…our afternoon routine. so, i enjoy cartoons as much now as i ever did. hey, some of them are hilarious. & the fact that he loves ‘tom and jerry’ as much as i do, & always have, makes me smile!

another syndicated cartoon that we watch together is ‘courage the cowardly dog’ (originally aired 1999…ran through 2002). it’s a strange little show that was created by john r dilworth for cartoon network. the basis of the show revolves around a little dog, who lives with a lady, muriel & her husband, eustace bagge, in a place cleverly named ‘nowhere.’ it’s funny & dark & a little creepy…a black comedic cartoon, if you will, & at times, very thought provoking.

crazy things are always happening in ‘nowhere’ & we are used to watching & laughing at this bizarre show; it’s really good. so needless to say, we were totally taken off guard when one afternoon, with snack in hand, we proceeded to catch ‘courage’ on the tele.
when it first began, it seemed oddly different (more odd than usual, that is). i even thought that maybe it wasn’t our cute little, weird cartoon at all; because there are occasionally shorts that run between episodes, commercials, etc., but it was our show! & as we sat there & watched, we were both simultaneously frozen. my monkey & i became immediately moved to tears. he jumped over from his couch to mine & laid his little head on my shoulder & we watched (& bawled) together.

you’re just gonna have to watch this 10-11 minute sweet, little piece. & maybe it was the day we saw it…maybe we’re just emotional folks over here, but for whatever reason, my sensitive monkey man & i were touched at the exact same time! & i just had to share.

so, through the convenient post from a youtube.com sharer, (it is not my own, btw) who loves this episode as well, i present “courage the cowardly dog: the last of the starmakers” (season 4; episode 49) & grab some kleenex...NOW!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

timeline...

as a child, i always remembered hearing…”where were you when kennedy was shot?” (naming the most popular off the top of my head) to which the adult next to me would quickly respond “oh, i was at so & so; doing such & such.” what? you remember where you were…what you were doing? i used to think that was so weird. then, you age…wonderful things happen, horrible things happen. & not always just to you, but to the whole world. & looking back, this week especially, i get a chill remembering…where i was & what i was doing.

i remember watching a young, beautiful girl named diana become a princess in 1981; the year that ‘video killed the radio star’ would air on a music television channel. holy cow, i was like 5, but i remember watching that magnificent wedding on television with my mother. the drama of it all; that dress that went on for miles. that was the day that i too, wanted to be a princess. i would also watch in horror in 1997 at my best friend, mac’s  house (during an episode of ‘saturday night live’) as the live coverage, or rather aftermath, would report that this princess had been fatally killed in a car accident. (her eldest would marry his princess in this past year…& i can proudly say, dorkily or not, in the wee hours of the morning, i witnessed that via tele as well)

MTV, you know, that music channel that i mentioned, would become virtually the voice of my generation. the airing of michael jackson’s ‘thriller’ & the band aid release of ‘feed the world’ are the two that really stick out (but there others if i thought about it). counting down the days & being so excited alongside my big sister. a channel that plays music videos all the time? am i dreaming? (chuckle) *i heard the news of m.j.’s passing en route to derby practice in 2009 on npr & could not believe it!*

i remember being in school on january 28th, 1986 getting ready to watch the first teacher in space aboard the space shuttle challenger. my sister had celebrated her birthday the day before, but on that day was at home sick. the excitement built amongst my classmates & then the craziest thing ever. it just blew up! i remember silence & bewilderment & the tears of my teacher.

also in 1986…oprah winfrey! i knew she was different & exciting & new. what i didn’t know was how she would change everything for me & truly, women everywhere. i adore her to this day. she is amazing (for reals) & has been a huge inspiration in my life!

the 1990s would definitely bring interesting headlines…mandela was freed. i didn’t really understand the reason why he’d been in jail to begin with at the time (southern girl, remember?!) but later would realize the magnitude of this incredible man. in ’91, some of my friend’s parents were being sent over to operation desert storm. i wasn’t scared; didn’t have a reason to be, my parents weren’t very political (& what my pops knew from news reports he didn’t discuss around us kids) i was just sad because their dads &/or moms were having to go away for a while.

 lorena bobbit? remember that mess? (1993) how about oj simpson’s double homicide? “allegedly” totally monopolizing tv as we knew it…& sadly overshadowing the horrendous genocide going on in Rwanda in ’94.

 in 1994, i also remember being in some history class, i think, there was a coach as a teacher, so yea…probably history of some sorts. it was first period & we were watching ‘channel one’ on the tv after the morning news. so here i am, in a portable, watching lisa ling, & the news of the day was that kurt cobain was dead. huh? all the girls sporting flannel in my class burst into tears. it was sad. i was just sad. not a super huge nirvana fan at that time & place, but stunned….& sad. all i could think was, doesn’t he have a little baby?

i would also find a voice that i’d never heard before in the late 90’s. elizabeth glaser opened my eyes about AIDs…my brother, Charles, would help me use said voice after he passed in 1998, but that’s a story for another day.

the president, my man bill, would meet scandal & then some (& then some!) in ’98. another case of “let’s take this headline & run for it.” a man whose credibility would be tarnished by misfortunate personal accounts while the world watched. a great president, nonetheless…we can agree to disagree, right?! “talk amongst yourselves.” (i still love you, mr president!)

i remember getting married in 1999, but not before some knuckleheads went psycho on  a high school named columbine or the former president (where were you?) kennedy’s son, john john, died in a plane crash.

so, the years that follow this timeline will create their own memorable, pretty, ugly, scandalous moments for all of us. but this week, in the gut of every american’s being, will live that day. & where were you when that plane crashed into the twin towers? what were you doing on “9/11?”

i know exactly where i was. & where every single person that i loved most in my life was!

i was working for a veterinarian & we had an unusual skeleton crew that day. one of the doctors was at a conference, but we were open in the morning & expecting a doc in the afternoon. jack’s dad came in (i don’t remember the owner, just the dog) to get the malteses’ prescription & asked if we knew what was going on. um, what’s going on? he asked if we had a television. sure, the main doctor had one in his office…but why? “turn it on…now. & get somewhere safe!” (then he left.)
what the hell? i immediately flee to the office & flip on the tele…2nd plane is crashing! (i didn’t know there was a first!) & the phone starts ringing off the hook. cancelled afternoon appointments left & right. people were scared. was i scared? i didn’t know what to think…what was happening? then, it occurs to me…my parents are in freaking
mexico! holy crap, my sister is in bethlehem, pennsylvania…& didn’t a plane just go down in PA?? worst…useless…twilight zone feeling ever! it was madness. i spoke with the hubs (who was working at the zoo at the time) & got in touch with my sister (thank goodness!). my parents were unable to leave their destination as they had planned for a couple of days, but i just kept thinking that maybe they’d be safer there? i didn’t really know why…but i kept telling myself that!

i was sick. the world was spinning & i had no idea how to make it stop. i wanted some reassurance. by that day’s end, the government had a “name” behind all of this devastation. are you kidding me?

as everyone knows, what would follow (& still today…10 years later) would be uproars in airports, (even more) racial profilingwar! & i totally have a soft spot for all who have served, lost those who have served, or are serving. i appreciate it, guys, i do…but the peaceful old school chick in me hates it all the same.

life goes on. it does. high stakes or under the radar. we have to continue through tabloids & deaths & reality star lockups & major world upsets (not to mention every day life). we gotta push through…what other choice do we have?

& for the record, i am never scared to get on a plane; except for the man who is about to tackle me because of my 1 oz lipgloss or the miami peeps who have something to prove & will fuss at you in spanish for not removing your shoes fast enough! (dammit, that will not stop me from flying!)

the world keeps turning, crazy things are gonna happen; good & bad, positive & negative. it puts things in perspective, for sure. i guess i’ll just kiss loved ones more often…hug monkey a little bit longer. & if you survive (which you have to this point) you’ll be able to share your story…where you were & what you were doing!

Monday, September 5, 2011

don't judge my meatlessness...

there are a few topics that i will not touch with a 10 foot pole in mixed company…politics, religion…you see where i’m going? i would like to add another (because i know first-hand the effects) FOOD. what do you eat & why? i have listened to numerous conversations about various diets like ‘atkin’s’ or ‘south beach’ (which seems to be socially acceptable), but the second it comes up that i don’t eat meat…*awkward (for them, not me). people either tilt their head at me (cos it's so crazy) or “knew” someone once who only ate chicken (huh? how does that relate to me?) or "omg, you're not one of those PETAs, are you?" or an instant label falls on me. i hate labels, but if i had to use one to describe my diet (which is what folks are so interested in) i guess technically, i’m a pescetarian; described as those who ”abstain from eating all meat & animal flesh with the exception of fish.” or you could refer to me as a lacto-ovo (dairy & egg eating) vegetarian who eats fish. or...see why it’s just easier to say “i don’t eat meat?”

i’ve not always been a veggie. i have eaten meat…lots. i started cutting it out little by little in high school. i would go through stages. then there was the year that i was addicted to chick fil a biscuits. oh, & when i was pregnant, i craved freaking sonic cheeseburgers. like every day…seriously! (but after monkey arrived, i was back to my veggie way & have been ever since.)

maybe it’s because i live in the south that i get those very puzzled looks, but there are tons of others that follow this practice…vegetarian or vegan or whatever. not the only one here, promise. it’s not a new trend.

i get the most interesting questions & comments. (insert sarcasm here.) you just wouldn’t believe some of the stuff that i hear. i take most of it with a grain of salt. any more, it’s hard to keep a straight face.

why don’t you eat meat? is it because of your religion? do you let your husband &/or child eat meat? you have to eat meat to survive, you know. if you eat fish, you’re not a “real” vegetarian! hunters have to kill animals for us to eat because they will overpopulate too much. What do you mean you don’t eat meat?...none?...but it’s so good! 

& then there’s my favorite…where do you get your protein from?

so here are some answers that i have ready for these inquiring minds; should i ever get the nerve to actually use them, other than my typical, nice, let’s change the subject responses.

because i don’t. yes, & i cast spells on people who criticize what i eat. i don’t “let” them do anything…they make their own choices. i don’t actually. who gives a crap? you’re an idiot! see answer one.  & finally, why do so many care where my protein comes from? this is quite annoying (& kind of creepy.)

then, there are those who just don’t get it at all. for instance, for years my mother in law couldn’t understand the no meat thing; so i would get conversations like this:
her: we’re grilling out steaks for dinner. i know that you don’t eat meat, so i got you a piece of chicken
me: oh, okay…thanks.


her: try those beans.
me: is that just a water base?
her: (smile) just try ‘em.
me: (smile back) is that a beef stock. are you trying to trick me?
her: oh, my gosh. it won’t hurt you…they’re good.
me: no thanks, tricky mctrickerson!
*now, she is sure to tell me exactly what “special” ingredients she has or hasn't used so that i can eat her food. it’s sweet, but then i’m a jerkface because she’s made “accomodations” that i’m constantly reminded of.

i certainly don’t think i’m better or smarter or hipper than anyone else (because i have been accused of that...true story) it doesn't even make me necessarily more health conscious! & i love love love food! i just know better than to comment on what others eat; it's not my place to say what is right or wrong for someone else. i really could care less. even if it is a disgusting carcass from an adorable animal that was just trying to live a happy life. i mean, i'm not saying i don't throw up in my mouth a little bit when i see all that grossness...i just keep that info to myself. just kidding, carnivores!