when you're little, the thought
of another year older means parties & presents, & can't seem to come
fast enough. the older i get, i realize that time just can't seem to slow
down...& i become so sappy & almost homesick over these memories that
cloud my brain. i start to recall old songs & people & places &
things.
i remember wanting to be older with a chic group of friends, a bazillion boyfriends, a style that everyone envied, & a calendar filled to the max with only the raddest events. (i know, right?!) i wanted to be an artist in a huge, fast-paced, hip city & live in a studio apartment over a night club or something.
i remember trying to lie about my age all the freaking time...i say "try" because i'm a horrible liar. but at times, it worked; buying cigarettes, meeting older guys (translation: older teenagers, whoa!), getting into movies/music shows/raves. a short skirt, heels, & a shit ton of makeup, right? who was i kidding…ha! (of course, being a cute girl probably helped my cause.)
i remember being fascinated by fashion & music (& i still am) i remember my first real kiss, love & heartache. i remember the first time that i read woolf, dickinson, hemingway, nin…& how their words were so captivating. i remember writing poems & song lyrics & love letters & talking on the phone for like, forever. i remember watching my first horror/black & white/musical/comedic movie & realizing how much i loved them all. i remember my first concert; even more so, my first punk rock show in a hole in the wall bar (& i was hooked). i remember the first funeral that i went to for a friend instead of an elderly or sick relative; unfortunately, i would go to many more. i remember my first job, car, & hangover (not all in the same day, mind you)! i remember feeling so cool after getting my first tattoo. i remember thinking that when i grew up…wow, it’d be the most amazing thing ever & i could not wait! (don’t get me wrong, i adore my life, but you have to admit that the perception of the child is way off base from the actual “adult.” i still have no clue what i want to be when i “grow up!”)
i think about all the different personalities that i've encountered in my life. how they've affected me, shaped me, called me friend or sweetheart at some space in time. i think about those that are passed on (but not forgotten) & those that are living their lives in various places. i miss them all for different reasons; i look forward to seeing them again face to face, & not just out in cyberspace (but glad that's an option).
i wonder if others have these moments. what triggers them? for me, it could be as simple as a dream or a song or, well, a certain occasion. i remember everything; adventures, sweet moments, conversations, secrets. it’s probably pretty silly, but it’s just how i am…living in the present, but always reminiscing about the past. wow, that sounds kind of tragic, but i swear that i mean it in the healthiest of ways. maybe i’m lucky in that way…it gives me writing material after all.
i remember wanting to be older with a chic group of friends, a bazillion boyfriends, a style that everyone envied, & a calendar filled to the max with only the raddest events. (i know, right?!) i wanted to be an artist in a huge, fast-paced, hip city & live in a studio apartment over a night club or something.
i remember trying to lie about my age all the freaking time...i say "try" because i'm a horrible liar. but at times, it worked; buying cigarettes, meeting older guys (translation: older teenagers, whoa!), getting into movies/music shows/raves. a short skirt, heels, & a shit ton of makeup, right? who was i kidding…ha! (of course, being a cute girl probably helped my cause.)
i remember being fascinated by fashion & music (& i still am) i remember my first real kiss, love & heartache. i remember the first time that i read woolf, dickinson, hemingway, nin…& how their words were so captivating. i remember writing poems & song lyrics & love letters & talking on the phone for like, forever. i remember watching my first horror/black & white/musical/comedic movie & realizing how much i loved them all. i remember my first concert; even more so, my first punk rock show in a hole in the wall bar (& i was hooked). i remember the first funeral that i went to for a friend instead of an elderly or sick relative; unfortunately, i would go to many more. i remember my first job, car, & hangover (not all in the same day, mind you)! i remember feeling so cool after getting my first tattoo. i remember thinking that when i grew up…wow, it’d be the most amazing thing ever & i could not wait! (don’t get me wrong, i adore my life, but you have to admit that the perception of the child is way off base from the actual “adult.” i still have no clue what i want to be when i “grow up!”)
i think about all the different personalities that i've encountered in my life. how they've affected me, shaped me, called me friend or sweetheart at some space in time. i think about those that are passed on (but not forgotten) & those that are living their lives in various places. i miss them all for different reasons; i look forward to seeing them again face to face, & not just out in cyberspace (but glad that's an option).
i wonder if others have these moments. what triggers them? for me, it could be as simple as a dream or a song or, well, a certain occasion. i remember everything; adventures, sweet moments, conversations, secrets. it’s probably pretty silly, but it’s just how i am…living in the present, but always reminiscing about the past. wow, that sounds kind of tragic, but i swear that i mean it in the healthiest of ways. maybe i’m lucky in that way…it gives me writing material after all.
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