i saw jesus in blue jeans...

i’m not sure about your supermarket, but mine seems to be booming with men between 3:30 & 5:00pm during the week. what time do i usually have to run to the store? not on purpose. this is just my errand opportunity between work/picking monkey up from school & dinnertime! don’t need a man…i got me one. (not that the grocery would provide my prowl time, but whatever works. thank goodness that i haven’t a clue!)

it never fails. men of all ages everywhere…i mean, i guess that they’re single or retired or just tired; who knows really. but they are definitely present & make their presence known. now, i’m not a super young, hot thang, but i know i’m not totally unfortunate either. it’s just very strange feeling eyes on you when you’re shopping for deodorant, toilet paper, etc. i mean, let’s be honest, not every trip to the store will (if ever) result in the makings of a lobster thermidor dish, ingredients for a soufflé, &/or several bottles of wine (oh la la!). i don’t buy anything remotely sexy or glamorous or french, for that matter (wait, do croissants count?) regular gal…right here. i love to cook & try new things, but the most exciting thing in my basket might be oysters (if they’re in season, on sale, & pretty), tofu, & a kid cuisine a la monkey’s taste du jour!

but back to the story at hand. neighborhood grocery = meat market…no pun intended. oh, it’s all types, & i’m not discriminating; young, old, blue collar, white collar, uniformed (or as monkey says ‘community workers.’) & i’m generally a nice person, actually no, a very nice person. i smile at people; say “hello.” but it has almost gotten to the point where i hate to make eye contact! i just want to run in & out...done! & don’t think that your kids are a deterrent either, ladies…it’s almost like they look at you & think “heyyy, she’s been all the way!”

one afternoon, not unlike any other, i zoomed home from work, grabbed a quick lunch & then headed to the school to sit in the carpool line. while i sat, i made out my grocery list. this was gonna be a big trip…we were out of everything! school let out & there was my side kick! it was the average “how was your day? what was your favorite part? here’s your DS…oh, & we get to run to the store right quick!” (& with DS, he’ll gladly travel.)

we get to the store & start the rounds. i notice this gentleman in the produce. he’s looking straight at me, so i smile & continue on my route. an aisle goes by & i turn down another. there he is…again. okay, occupational hazard (because the grosh & i are tight…i’m waiting to start getting a paycheck, i’m there so often.) another look, another smile…carrying on. but i keep running into this man on every single aisle. & we’re always heading in opposite directions, so as to pass in plain sight. i get halfway into the store & decide to head down to the dairy area & work my way back up. whew, avoidance is working.

finally, the last items on the list. just one more trek down to where the sodas & goldfish are. omg! there he is. he is a crazy stalker man. (panic attack...breathe) nah, surely he’s been debating between wheat thins or triscuits for the past 15 minutes. (i mean, who wouldn’t.)

& it happens. he speaks. (seriously? crap!)

man:  “hey there.”

me:   “um, hello.” (here it comes, just not sure what)

man:  “we keep running into each other.”

me:  “uh-huh.” (duh, it’s a grocery store, we’re both shopping crazy stalker man!)

man:  “you look so familiar to me.”

(oh, now that’s original)

man: “are you leon’s daughter?”

me:  “um, yes sir.”

man:  “i thought so. we go to church together. he directed me in a play years ago. i was ‘Jesus!’ you played mary, right?”

me:  “oh, hello. yes sir, i did. yep, leon, that’s my dad…leon.” (oh, the embarrassment! can he read my mind? reddening…reddening fast & how many times am i gonna say leon?)

man:  “well, tell him i said ‘hello!’ haven’t seen him in awhile. & your mom.”

me:  “yes, sir, i will. my dad, leon. & my mom.”

monkey:  “who was that, mommy?"

me:  “Jesus”

monkey:  "cool, really?"

me: "no, baby. not really. just kidding…let’s get outta here!”

moral to this story, you ask? people constantly surprise me & throw me off. i don’t always do well in these situations. strangers make me forget to buy goldfish!