i had an idea to write a piece about bullying; my thoughts/experiences combined with observations, news stories, etc. i reached out to friends for input & help. i figured that this was something that we’ve all been through at one time or another. & the responses confirmed this suspicion. what i thought would be easy turned into overwhelming. people sent me articles, shared book titles; an incident with someone very close to me (a tween) took place on facebook, & most recently, another school shooting. the basis for cruelty is still the same…it only takes one person to draw attention to someone else, with a snarky comment or joke, & others will follow suite. this starts as children, but i have known some adults who never quite outgrew this mentality. maybe that’s why the cycle is never broken. after all, kids will mimic their parents & other adults around them.
the biggest issue that i have with bullying nowadays is that it is way too easy to do. i mean, when i was younger, if there was a mean girl or two being heinous, i could go home & do my best to ignore it. it wasn’t perpetuated with phone texts, social networks, etc. & hopefully by the end of the school year or a long weekend or out of boredom, i was no longer a target for such meanness!
some people will argue that this behavior is just a rite of passage…”look at that beautiful girl or buff guy, they were nerds. without the bullying, they may have never turned around.” really? i’m calling a big ole bullshit on that nonsense. it’s never healthy…it’s just not. (in my opinion)
that being said, i find it easier to perhaps write a letter to my 15 year old self. good gracious, what an awkward time, but if i could go back, this is perhaps some of the advice that i might give…
dear young ash, people are generally insecure, like you are, but making someone else feel low will never result in you being higher. be kind, you never know what someone is going through. mean kids may be that way because they too are being bullied & feel the need to lash out. always stick up for what you think is right. if your friend is being victimized it’s okay to go against the crowd. numbers are powerful…positive or negative. boys won’t like you more if you abandon friends for them. this is scary & possessive & may lead to bad things. it’s okay to be your “age!” you will be an adult soon enough. it’s cool to dress differently (second-hand), not drive a brand new car, & have a job. it will pave many paths & teach great ethics for later, trust me. the kids that are “awesome” because their parents are never home, are most likely starving for attention when you get closer to the surface. it’s great to be friends with everyone! just because you’re not in a “clique” or sit at a certain lunch table means absolutely nothing in the long run. if something doesn’t feel right…question it; always. at the end of the day, everyone is trying to figure things out & feel exactly like you do. smiles & nice words go a long way. & as for ugly words, actions, or conversations; once they’re out there, there’s no turning back…the damage is done. embrace the recluse, the nerds, the freaks, the socially outnumbered! (or whatever quote/unquote groups surround you) you are not too skinny or too fat or too tall or too short. don’t doubt yourself. not everyone will like you…& that is fine! be you, just be you!
so, these are a just a few things that i might go back & emphasize. & even though i think i made okay decisions, some of these suggestions might’ve been helpful. would i have listened to myself? probably not. hindsight, right?!
the best thing out there is still realization & awareness; as an adult not to turn my head to a child in need. & also as an adult, to not be a mean girl or a bully myself. i am not perfect & i can be critical, but i am constantly working on that; to not judge others or my own self. like i mentioned before, i actually know folks (who i’ve slowly removed from my life) who are still living that "high school-talk about others-tit for tat" lifestyle…it’s sad. i hurt for these children who feel that they have no options! it really does “get better,” but that’s hard to believe when you’re a youngster in that moment. & it’s getting really terrifying out there anymore. for my 7 year old to be conscience of bullying & how to avoid it or some ways to deal with it, says a lot about the world we are living in. but just maybe, if he sees the hubs & i show a little compassion, then he will most likely copycat. one less bully in the world? i hope so…it’s a start, anyways.
*& among all the info that came my way, a ny times article caught me off guard (in a great way) passed on by my friend, jillian (refashionista.net). it was a wonderfully refreshing read…http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/27/magazine/27lives-t.html?_r=2&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1332215976-qo6mJrfY133ZhFYKcjFWlg
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