out of the mouths of babes…

dubbed “the mouth of the south” by his dad (the hubs), my monkey child has always been talking or singing for as long as i can remember. okay, so for as long as he could talk or sing; just stay with me on this. & he’s always been funny & sweet & very kind. i’d like to take complete credit for that, but to be fair, i’ll just own the funny…& sweet & very kind. (ha!)

it’s a riot to think that we, the adoring parents, once longed for the day when our baby would start talking. now, that’s all he does; sun up to sun down. mr. chatter box. the child who has known the words to ‘du hast’ by rammstein & (better yet) ‘jihad’ by slayer since he was 2. he sings every commercial, show opening sequence, song, & runs that little mouth like it was his job. (gee, that sounds awfully familiar!)

of course, anyone who has kiddies or is around them on a regular know that they are absolute sponges. just when you think you’re whispering low enough or spelling it out (which really only works until like 4…5 if you’re lucky) or hell, using sign language…they know, people. o-o-oh, they get it. that being said, when certain expressions roll off his tongue, i’m not too terribly surprised. but then there are the infamous sayings & monkey-isms that i have no idea of origin. television, school? (not blaming society, but you know.) friends, grands? no matter the source, it is hysterical every time & when i laugh, i get this serious “what?” look. he is a silly little boy, but then again, his dedication & story telling deserves a serious face…i’m working on that!

oh, goodness, the stuff that comes out his mouth…here are a few of my faves for you to enjoy. (see if you detect some “ash” in there.)

and most of all… (every story usually starts with this one.) 

$25.99? that’s highway robbery! 

we need a fly swatter…those guys are crafty. 

i like you in a dress…you look soft. 

hey, what’dya want? i'm a just a kid! 

ah, crap! 

are you freaking serious? 

i come towards you, but then i sike you out. hahaha…slingshot. 

look, there’s a storm coming…but we’re in the yellow, so we’re okay. 

stop tickling me…are you gonna tickle me? 

i don’t think i’m old enough to try that, i’ll try it when i’m 7. 

that’s smoking hot, but not hot like i’m in love. 

dad’s home…HIDE! 

i think i see blood. see that dot? yep, i need a band-aid. 

i’m not a dork…you’re a dork. 

ooh, you said stu-pid & that’s a bad wooord. 

the light’s green, morons! 

shake my booty. shake it, shake it. 

oh, great! are you gonna put that in the facebook? 

omg, mom, i’m like a 1^st grader. 

are you sad because i’m growing? are you gonna cry again? 

shoot, i mean shit…wait…(laughter) 

i know she said she wasn’t my girlfriend last time, but i have a good feeling about today. 

i’m going to bed late. it’s already the middle of night. 

looks like a tarantula…can we keep it? 

we’re just a cornucopia of bumps & boo boos. 

i know you don’t want to hear this, buuut… 

*favorite conversation of all time went something like this…

   

mom, there’s an oviparous animal in the screen room! can you get him?

me:  huh? a what?

you know, a spider? he’s on the ceiling & if he lays eggs, we could have up to 2,000 spider babies in the house. 

& no matter your political views, this should make you giggle.

mr obama won, mommy! we don’t have to move to canada! (age 4)