there are an awful lot of pregnant ladies & new babies lately in my world. sweet & wonderful & beautiful. always. i remember anticipating that big day. feeling scared, nervous, excited; the entire gamut of emotions. but most of all, what i felt was prepared. or, as prepared as i was going to feel. thankfully, there are so many resources out there for the new mom-in-waiting, & of course, all the unsolicited input from mothers, grandmothers, coworkers, the lady behind you in line at the grocery store, etc. yep, everything you need to know…until you get home & you realize, a whole mess of shiz was left out!
omg, really?! really! for me, the day monkey came into my life was truly the best to date. i had made this amazing little creature (the hubs helped a bit) & it was incredible. no book could describe that feeling. & also, there were a few other things that were sort of missed in translation.
not to terrify, but possibly to help. here are a few things i learned on my own.
- super dopey! monkey was 9 days post. went in on a sunday to induce…gave birth a la section on monday (after 13 hours of trying the old fashioned way) the lovely cocktail of meds helped me to remember no one who came to visit.
- nursing? you hold him (half asleep) like a football! my football coach, er lactation specialist, kept fussing at me. “no, you’re doing it wrong! you gotta shove it in there!” thanks for the haunting flashbacks, ray of sunshine.
- no idea that sanitary pads could double as a protection from the nearby dam, should it bust & flood. i feel safe in knowing that recently pregnant women could stop a disaster with take homes from the hospital.
- who knew that boobs that reached maximum density during prego-ness (32 triple F) would get even bigger once the milk fell. & then on top of all of that fun, nipples would invert…ahh, good times!
- i had read somewhere to pack your 5 month maternity size clothing to wear home from the hospital. what i didn’t know is that i would wear those clothes until my child was 6 months old.
- ever had someone reach over to rub your belly with a baby in the stroller? oh, & you weren’t pregnant? ever have to stop yourself & think ‘i do not want to be arrested for assault in lowe’s with a baby in the stroller?’
- i thought nursing was going to be the most natural thing ever…haha…ha…ha! (oh, my side hurts!) those first two to four weeks require kleenex & a support group! (but hang in there, mommas! it's worth it, for reals!)
- i had no idea that my family would look at me like i had a 3rd eye because i nursed. that it would inconvenience everyone! (thank you a.l. for being said support group!)
- sleep & showers are not to be taken for granted…they are a luxury & not a necessity. i remember resenting the crap out of the hubs for having somewhere to go; a break. who cares that it was work…he lived the good life. work, dinner, shower, sleep…he had to die! oh, wait, where was i?
- i never thought that my hormones & mood swings would be off the charts after the fact. hubs wanted to return to work on many an occasion…pfft, lightweight!
- i didn’t realize the dog & i would be crazy, high strung girls together over people with “the baby.” we made a good team, delia…r.i.p.
- much like a b-rated science fiction movie, everything would expand, droop, & ripple…& never return to place. other than boobs, my hands grew, my feet. what looked like bread baking out of my shoes was really just my shoe size going up. enter the film of my life, ‘it came from the womb’…where one tiny baby would turn its mother into the sequel to ‘the blob.’ thrills! chills! oh, the humanity!
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