i always wanted to...

anybody remember that game ‘i never?’ where you & a few friends or acquaintances or whomever are at a party & every time someone says ‘i never…’ &  you have, you drink?   

*for example, “i never slept with a boss for a raise.” all eyes quickly scan the room to see who’s going for their drink! okay, just an example, but you totally know what i’m talking about.

these games usually end up revolving around sex…almost 98.999% of the time, okay probably more, but i remember people saying things like ‘never performed on a stage’ or ‘never drove cross country,’ etc. these are the ‘nevers’ that i wanted to slug one back to. exciting or risky or completely irreverent, but worth every impulsive choice! even if only for the memories.

we all have woulda coulda shouldas…& i know that some opportunities or possibilities may be gone…finite-o, for obvious reasons (relationships, children, careers). but, what about the ideas that aren’t completely off the table. they’re just shoved deep in the back of the noggin…not even on the back burner, mainly under it, but still alive somewhere?

i’m 34 years old with a mountain of i always wanted to…but one thing at the very top of my list is comedienne! i absolutely love funny things, funny people, & making other people laugh. i grew up especially admiring women in comedy…Carol Burnett, Lucille Ball & later on, all of the SNL ladies!! i would jump at the chance to walk on to the set of ‘saturday night live’ & audition in a heartbeat. even if it just ended in crickets! 

i had a sneaking suspicion that i wasn’t the only gal out there with a secret “want!” and after a little asking around, my guess was more than accurate. so, in no particular order, i present “i always wanted to…”

*32 years old…”i had a dream.  it was to drive the oscar mayer wienermobile.  i had aspirations coming out of college.  i still dream about what could have been, but alas, i was never chosen to sit behind the wheel & travel the roads as a wiener girl.”

*30 years old…”i’ve always wanted to get a hot pink beach cruiser and ride around with streamers, aviator goggles and a cape with a giant ‘S’ on it.  yep, that’s never worn off… I’ve worn the hubby down to where he’d be ok with it, he just wants to ride far behind and video tape it…maybe i can get someone to make up a theme song i can blast as i’m pedaling through down town! other than that, i’m still waiting on HGTV to ask me to collaborate on some of their shows. every time i finish a project and think that right about now would be a good time for this to happen, i look up and some millionaire with too much time on his hands is writing ‘Jesus Loves You’ in the sky with his little plane. maybe Jesus just isn’t a fan of HGTV.”

*40 years old…”i always wanted to be a stripper at one of those high end places. that was when i was skinny & could pole dance…lol!”

*28 years old…”my list could go on forever! i always wanted to write an autobiography, but procrastination usually gets in the way. maybe i just haven't collected all my info yet.” 

*40 years old…”mom of 2 with 3 step-kids & 5 grand kids...married, well, my whole life it seems!!! which brings me to what i always wanted to do. i wish i would had been that ‘Head Cheerleader’ that everyone hated in HS...the popular, fun girl who got caught kissing the quarterback behind the bleachers, going to underage drinking parties with all the popular kids, *gasp* losing my virginity on Prom night in the back seat of a hot convertible at ‘Lookout Point.’ then, instead of marrying the very first man i fell in love with, i wish i would’ve gone to college, partied hardy...maybe drove across the country ‘sowing my WILD oates’ as they say. sometimes i feel like i haven't had the chance to REALLY LIVE...party, be slut-ish....before FINALLY settling down and having babies....turning into June Cleaver without ever having had the chance to be Marilyn Monroe.”

*29 years old…”i always wanted to be able to skateboard on a vert ramp. it hasn't happened yet, but still tangible. maybe this is my year!”

*32 years old…”have sex doggie style, but now i have hemorrhoids from pushing out a baby and am too afraid that the guy will look at my asshole.”

*32 years old…”wish i was more self-confident. i think i could go further in life if i weren't so busy worried that other people weren't thinking well of me. if i could just go forward, confident in myself and my decisions, i think i'd be a little less timid.”

*35 years old…”i’ve always wanted to be a private eye. and be invisible.”

see…i knew it! & it’s not that a secret dream or want or a what could have happened means we’re all living with regret or we aren’t totally content with our lives & who we are! I know people will say, “oh, i do whatever i want.” great…so do i! totally not what this is about. i love the fact that almost every single response to my inquiring mind is totally feasible. Maybe not this week, this month, this year, but wow, pretty cool to know that an “always wanted to” is still do-able. even if a little tweaking to represent present time is needed. heck, gives me hope anyway!

oh, & age 30…of course Jesus loves HGTV. i mean, he was a carpenter, right?!