i’m not sure when the dynamic of my family changed, but it is a subject that is constantly being brought up. if you have shitty friends (condescending, negative, critical, etc), it can be hard, but you can slowly detach from them until eventually “poof,” they’re out of your life. family is much more complicated. i’ve never been super close to my extended family; aunts & uncles, cousins, grandparents, but there was always a presence of some sort throughout my life. holidays were big with packing up the car & driving a 100 miles for a day of catch up. i used to think i had a friendship with most cousins…out of 14 from one whole side, i speak to one as an adult…one! & she is still a ray of sunshine! in the same breath, i will attest that i also felt a mutual love from all the members of my family. an immense admiration as a child for 2 uncles in particular. but (sigh), children grow up…true colors expose themselves…heroes turn out to be real people…hearts are broken.
since the death of the one grandpa (who we saw the most even though my favorite lived a few towns away) several years back , the split has gradually gotten bigger. personal opinions rear their ugly heads & small battles have popped out from years of “unpaid” favors, petty remarks, & suppressed resentments. now the closeness is mostly geographical of 3 aunts & an uncle whose name shall remain un-uttered. you know, like ‘voldemort’ of the ‘harry potter’ series. bad news! after much verbal & emotional abuse, i am happy to say i have the courage now to stay the hell away.
out the aunts, there is one whom i adore, one i take with a grain of salt, & one who i avoid all together if i can. she is truly venomous. miserable, nasty…the “victim!” & i am truly one of her favorite targets. she is so pleasant to my face, but a snake behind my back. it doesn’t matter what supposed ammo i give her; something i’ve worn, something i’ve said. i have never done anything to this woman. & if she hates me so much, do i really owe her anything because she’s “family?”
so, how am I privy to the smack talk, you ask? oh, my mother feels it is her duty to keep me informed. whatever. if someone is criticizing me or saying ugly things & you are not going to defend me, i do not want to know about it. if you’re wondering…would she want me to tell her that this was said? no…the answer is always NO! can i continue living my life without unnecessary or slanderous info? yes, please…much happier, thanks!
it’s funny. i’m a 34 year old who gets the importance of love & being surrounded by the people & things i love! i didn’t have a silver spoon fed childhood; some days were wonderful, some days were super tough. but I refuse to be a victim or make my insecurities someone else's issue. i’ve never felt that i shouldn’t or couldn’t change any world that my child would know or be a part of in his own home…with his family. i try really hard to keep chins up & happy faces in every aspect of his childhood. i will do anything to prevent him from knowing any kind of silly drama! if this means cutting ties with, god forbid, family…so be it. seriously! & at the end of the day, i’m okay with that (even though my guilt tends to get the better of me at times). plus, i have a supportive & takes no crap sister that knows exactly where i’m coming from & who is raising her daughter the same way. hey, at least that’s two that are breaking the cycle of madness…you’re welcome, world!
so, thanks again for sitting in on a therapy session. & no, i don’t expect a blue ribbon. not when everyone has some amount of dysfunction within their own family, immediate or extended. having crazy ass relatives is like the new black these days; everybody’s wearing it! but really, can I at least get an honorable mention?
0 comments:
Post a Comment